Talk:Emiko Asanga/@comment-5053045-20130330000211
First of all, I'd like to apologize for not doing this much sooner. Recently school has made me very busy.... 8( Anyway, I'd like to start out by saying that I do feel that your oc needs some work. However, it's not that bad! So I congratulate you on that. :) The first thing that caught my eye that I feel I should address is the fact that she was sexually abused by her uncle. That is a big no-no in oc making, and is actually a common Mary-Sue quality. I highly suggest you take that part out. Next is a simple question that immediately came to mind while I was reading. Why did the Hokage send her that letter? And why was she sent to live specifically with Kakashi? I've noticed that she has some Uchiha in her blood. While you did point out that there isn't much, I find it odd that it's even there anyway. It's more of a random detail. Rather unnecessary if it doesn't even matter. Her ability with all of those chakra natures is very Mary-Sue like and I highly suggest taking out the Ice nature, Wood nature, and a few others so there are 3 AT THE VERY LEAST left. Ninjas generally have one or two Chakra Natures. Most likely the reason as to why Kakashi has up to 4 is because of his Sharingan. There are few other cases of numerous Chakra Nature uses, such as with Fūka, but for the most part more than two chakra natures is uncommon. What exactly is OND mode? Does she go into some kind of killing frenzy during this? If you already have up to 6 Natures (one not even canon) and two other kekkei-genkai (not even from her clan) then why would you need to add this? On top of that, she has her OWN kekkei-genkai (but it doesn't seem to do much, it only changes her eye color. Which, sad to know, is actually very Mary-Sueish...) so I think you should remove this OND mode and simply stick with 2 Nature Chakras. Her attire I'm not particularly fond of due to the moreover skimpy feel to it and the neon color of her upper article of clothing... But aside from that, I suppose it will do. I just don't know how she will provide herself any protection from simple things like kunai or shuriken with such a small outfit... For one to simply come out and say that a canon character had fallen in love with one's oc gives off a message of desperation. I suggest that instead of coming right out and saying that he has developed feelings for Emiko, that you instead hint at it. Or at least let the reader infer. Not only have you had Kakashi fall in love with her, but now Gai is chasing after her. And you admitted to it. I'd rather you only pick one man. Its VERY Mary-sueish to have more than one canon character love your oc. I'm not trying to be mean, doll, I'm just saying it how it is. How did she adopt an Uchiha? The Uchihas are all dead by this point but Sasuke and Tobi. She is known as the "Pink Goddess"? That sort of title would seem more fitting for Sakura, in my opinion... One last thing. I don't usually do this, because this more out of personal spite, but why did you give her such big breasts? It adds insult to injury on top of her outfit. But that's just how I see it. I dearly apologize if any of this was offensive to you. Happy oc'ing! (っ￣‿￣)っ ♥ -- Shadowpuppy270343